Millions of Americans help care for a spouse, parent, relative or friend, and many of them are 60 or older themselves. Caregiving can bring closeness and a sense of meaning. It can also be physically demanding, emotionally draining and isolating, especially when it goes on for years.
Taking care of yourself is not selfish. It is what allows you to keep caring for someone else.
Signs of caregiver burnout
Watch for:
- Feeling tired most of the time, even after sleep.
- Feeling irritable, resentful, hopeless or overwhelmed.
- Trouble sleeping.
- Getting sick more often, or neglecting your own health appointments.
- Losing interest in activities and people you used to enjoy.
- Drinking more alcohol or relying on sleeping pills.
- Feeling that caregiving is taking over your whole life.
If you recognize several of these signs, it is time to get more support.
Get a break: respite care
Respite care gives you temporary relief while someone else provides care. Options include:
- In-home respite: a home care aide or trained volunteer stays with your loved one for a few hours.
- Adult day programs: a safe, social setting during the day, often with meals and activities.
- Short-term stays in an assisted living community or nursing home, for a few days or weeks.
- Help from family and friends on a regular schedule.
If your loved one is in hospice through Medicare, short respite stays of up to five days at a time in a facility may be covered.
Take care of your own health
- Keep up with your own doctor visits and medicines.
- Try to get regular sleep, meals and some physical activity, even short walks.
- Tell your doctor you are a caregiver, so they can watch for signs of stress.
- Make time for something you enjoy each week.
Ask for and accept help
People often say "let me know if I can help" but do not know what to offer. Keep a list of specific tasks, such as picking up prescriptions, sitting with your loved one for two hours or making a meal, so you can answer when someone asks.
Hold a family meeting, in person or by phone, to share responsibilities and decisions. A social worker, counselor or care manager can help guide the conversation.
Find support
- Support groups, in person or online, connect you with others who understand. Many are offered for specific conditions, such as dementia, Parkinson's disease or cancer.
- Counseling can help you manage stress, grief and family conflict.
- Education. Learning about your loved one's condition and how to handle common challenges can make caregiving less stressful.
Plan ahead
Talk with your loved one, while they are able, about their wishes for care, finances and end-of-life decisions. Make sure legal documents, such as a durable power of attorney and health care proxy, are in place. Read organizing important papers and choosing a home care agency.
In a crisis
If you feel you cannot go on, or you are afraid you might harm yourself or the person you care for, call or text 988 any time. If you or your loved one are in danger, call 911.
