The death of a husband, wife or life partner changes nearly every part of daily life. Along with deep sadness, many people face a quiet house, new responsibilities and decisions they never had to make alone. If you are grieving, know that what you are feeling is a natural response to loss.
What grief can feel like
Grief is different for everyone. You may experience:
- Sadness, emptiness, anger, guilt or relief, sometimes all in one day.
- Trouble sleeping or sleeping too much.
- Loss of appetite or forgetting to eat.
- Trouble concentrating or remembering things.
- Tiredness and aches.
- Feeling that you are "going through the motions."
Grief often comes in waves. Birthdays, anniversaries and holidays can bring strong feelings, even years later. There is no right way to grieve and no deadline for feeling better.
Take care of your body
Grief is stressful, and stress affects health. Try to:
- Eat regular meals, even small ones. Accept offers of food from friends.
- Move a little each day, such as a short walk.
- Keep up with your medicines and doctor visits.
- Rest, even if sleep is difficult.
- Go easy on alcohol, which can worsen sleep and mood.
Tell your doctor about your loss at your next visit, especially if you are not sleeping or eating well.
Accept help and stay connected
People often want to help but do not know how. Be specific: ask someone to help with meals, rides, paperwork or yard work. Stay in touch with friends and family, even when you do not feel like talking. A short walk or coffee with a friend can help.
Many people find comfort in support groups, where others understand what they are going through. Hospices offer grief support to families of people who were in their care, usually for about a year after the death, and many hospitals, faith communities and senior centers run groups too.
Practical matters
You may need to handle many practical tasks: notifying Social Security and other agencies, dealing with bank accounts and insurance, and handling the estate. You do not have to do everything at once. Make a list and ask a trusted relative, friend or professional to help.
You may be eligible for Social Security survivor benefits. Read survivor benefits for widows and widowers. Our guide to organizing important papers can also help.
When to seek more help
For most people, the intense pain of grief slowly eases over time, even though the loss is never forgotten. Talk with your doctor or a mental health professional if, after many months, you:
- Still feel intense longing or sadness most of the day, nearly every day.
- Cannot accept the death or feel numb most of the time.
- Avoid everything that reminds you of the person.
- Find it hard to carry out daily tasks.
- Feel that life has no meaning.
Counseling can help, and some people experience a type of grief called prolonged grief that responds well to specific treatment.
If you feel hopeless or have thoughts of harming yourself, call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline any time, day or night.
Finding a new rhythm
Over time, many people find new routines and sources of meaning, such as volunteering, faith, family or new friendships, while still honoring the person they lost. Read finding purpose and structure in retirement and loneliness in later life.
